You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
