You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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