I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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