I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm passing your future prison.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
