Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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