I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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