i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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