maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
