The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
