i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
