look no pants
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
