Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
