You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
