I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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