Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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