people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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