Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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