I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
