Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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