I wish you could order shots online.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
