He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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