you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
