You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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