Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
