he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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