My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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