listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
