My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
