Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
