so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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