I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So vagazzling was a success
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize