There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
