he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
