he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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