Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
