I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize