Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
