i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
