He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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