I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
