Buhtt sex?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
