As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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