plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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