I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
