Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
