I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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