Yo dont text me then not text me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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