If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
