If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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