I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
