You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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