Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
