So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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