K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
