He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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