did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't deserve a penis
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
