It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
