if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
