WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
