his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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