i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Houston, we have a squirter
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
