also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
