I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize