Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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