can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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