Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
