her vagine was all disorganized.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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