they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
