it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
